Even though I said I wasn't going to count the days in this challenge, I am at day 23. This is the point in the 30 day challenge when I started breaking down physically and mentally. Last week my life outside the yoga room was getting to me emtionally. My house was a hideous sh*t pit, I felt I was getting no help and was being bitched at for falling asleep the moment my arse hit the couch at 8pm. Funny that as I get up at 4:30am, do yoga, have an hour and 20 mins commute both ways to work, hold down a full time creative job that is demanding, cook dinner every night, clean up nearly every night, launder stinky sweaty clothes every night and unpack/repack kit bags every night. Am I moaning? Yes, I need a release. Done, I can move on.
I live this crazy schedule because I can and I want to. Some people might even envy me, others, mostly think I'm totally bonkers! I know this isn't forever. This is just part of my life right now. The challenge has to be done, for me it is the ultimate preparation for TT. I can discover things now that might go wrong with my body and find a cure for it or a prevention. I'm booked in for a well over due deep tissue massage today as my shoulders are so frozen I have to kick the penguins off every morning. I'm so looking forward to leaving the real world behind for nine weeks. It'll make me appreciate it so much more when I leave the yoga bubble.
My body is screaming at me for neglecting it. Yoga is healing but it stills needs complimenting with other toxin releases activities such as massage. I was told to push my hips more forward in Camel today. I thought I was...my hips feel like they are set in concrete. I've let my form slip in a few postures because I hurt, I'm a little tired and emotionally challenged.
An instructor who I've not had for a few months was back today. We've both been away so our paths haven't crossed. I was called out a few well needed times. Picking out the small details I was slacking on. I was given a very helpful pep talk afterwards. I can't be slacking off, even though I'm tired and using the challenge as an excuse for backing off. It will be ten times as bad in September. (Rachel in Leicester pointed this out too) I was told I need to go into every class & imagine Bikram is teaching. He won't take any bullsh*t and in his not so polite manner will tell you so. It will reflect badly on my home studio if I'm asked where I come from and why haven't they taught me to do this correctly.
I am comfortable with my instructors as they are with me. Only the other day a friend and I were saying how we often get over looked in class because the newbies need attention. Very true, I don't want to deny newbies the attention they deserve. Us regulars don't want attention all the time but if we are left to our own devices we'll slip into bad habits. Which I have. We're getting a load of support and coaching for dialogue but I need it in the room too. A matter to be discussed. My practice is no way as strong as my training buddy but on the up side I've been told my dialogue, teaching technique and voice are strong. Training is as much about practice as it is learning to be a teacher.
I'm an advocate for "lead by example" not a "do as I say, not as I do" person. If I want my future students to do well in their practice, I need to do well in my practice too. I always look up to the instructors who practice in class with me, I must be on form to do the same. I would hate for a student to think 'why should I listen to her bossing me about when I saw her in class the other day and she can't do it herself!" Ekk am I getting paranoid now?!
As I've said this challenge is supposed to get me in the zone, if I'm slacking off it's not fulfilling it's purpose. I need to re-focus and push through those mental and physical road blocks that we all know like to pop up from time to time.