Thursday, June 21, 2012

Final Post

I am saddened to be writing this but I've decided to put my writing on hold for a while. I'm signing off and shutting down this blog. I set it up to start with as a totally subjective journal of my own personal thoughts. Recently I have been feeling the strain to write from the heart, often posting rash thoughts without thinking it through. My posts have been more ego driven & about letting of steam, something that should be done in private not for the world to read. It's not the happy outlet it once was for me. I might be having a big dummy spit over this but hey all things must come to an end at some point. I think writing in here has run it's course for the time being. 

I know by putting myself out there on the www I'm opening myself up to criticism, not everyone will like what they read, I may not like what I am reading in the comments. Ego at it's best. I have received some feedback that has made me aware I am not in a good place right now.

I am truly sorry that the event in a recent post happened. (I am so ashamed of it now I have removed said post.) It involved me letting my ego take over when I was teaching. Life is a learning curve. I have drawn greatly from this and now realize how wrong I was in my actions. Even wronger to publish my out of orderness to the world. I'm grateful no long term damage has been done and the person involved is totally clueless to what I did. They were not ready to face their fears & it was NOT MY PLACE to decide they needed a push. I should do my job, just teach the class by the book. Ego is a tough rock to crack, to fully understand the difference between ego & true loving intentions is frigging hard at times. 

A quote from my Guru Rajashree Choudhury has brought this home to me:

“This is how I always look into it - I teach from the heart. I want people to really experience that because then you are very much true to yourself, because then you can never can betray your heart…The heart and mind have a connection together to make a conscious choice; then you are not blaming anybody.

I do give a very tough class physically. I like people to work with their body more… I don’t challenge people’s ego and fear. Ego and fear they should find inside themselves and recognize that - I call this finding your strength and finding your weakness . I don’t want to bring this to people before they find it for themselves. A person can change when they want to change; a person can find these things when they know they have them – if it is their problem.

Yoga helps you go to the core of sensitivity, open up the consciousness, and waking up that (thought process) ... really to me means self realization.”

Hence I am stepping away from this blog to get myself sorted out mentally, physically & spiritually. It's time to step out of the public arena. Maybe this whole blog was here to boost my ego, 'look at me, read about all the great things I do (or not), make me feel awesome about myself by showering me wonderful comments, fuel my ego, make me feel important.' I'm obviously lacking something in the 'real world' if I'm looking for attention from perfect strangers! Time to get offline & start getting real...

Thank you to those who have followed & read posts. I wish you all health & happiness. 



  1. I'm sorry to hear you will not be writing here anymore, but I understand. I don't think you had this blog mostly for the reasons you mentioned (ego-based), at least it didn't read that way to me.

    However, I understand your decision. I have not posted on my blog much for similar reasons. I am simply not sure I want to share anymore. My growth is my growth and I do not want to judge it, over-analyze it or measure it. I want to just let it happen. So yeah, I understand.

    Thank you for sharing all this time. I always enjoy reading about TT and life as a teacher and I really appreciate your and other bloggers' sharing!

    All the best to you!

  2. Hi Simmm,
    Thank you for your kind words. I'm pleased to hear my writing didn't come over as self important! Jeez I was having a crazy day yesterday on all levels. I will post an update.

    Sometimes I feel it is easier to share things to an audience who don't know you personally but then it hurts when you get comments that personally you feel are negative. It's like 'hey you don't know me, don't judge me.'

    You are so right, not judging and over-analyzing is a double edge sword. Not very yoga is it to dwell on the past? Shouldn't we be living the moment!!

    Thanks for reading! All best to you too :-)