Final Post

I am saddened to be writing this but I've decided to put my writing on hold for a while. I'm signing off and shutting down this blog. I set it up to start with as a totally subjective journal of my own personal thoughts. Recently I have been feeling the strain to write from the heart, often posting rash thoughts without thinking it through. My posts have been more ego driven & about letting of steam, something that should be done in private not for the world to read. It's not the happy outlet it once was for me. I might be having a big dummy spit over this but hey all things must come to an end at some point. I think writing in here has run it's course for the time being. 

I know by putting myself out there on the www I'm opening myself up to criticism, not everyone will like what they read, I may not like what I am reading in the comments. Ego at it's best. I have received some feedback that has made me aware I am not in a good place right now.

I am truly sorry that the event in a recent post happened. (I am so ashamed of it now I have removed said post.) It involved me letting my ego take over when I was teaching. Life is a learning curve. I have drawn greatly from this and now realize how wrong I was in my actions. Even wronger to publish my out of orderness to the world. I'm grateful no long term damage has been done and the person involved is totally clueless to what I did. They were not ready to face their fears & it was NOT MY PLACE to decide they needed a push. I should do my job, just teach the class by the book. Ego is a tough rock to crack, to fully understand the difference between ego & true loving intentions is frigging hard at times. 

A quote from my Guru Rajashree Choudhury has brought this home to me:

“This is how I always look into it - I teach from the heart. I want people to really experience that because then you are very much true to yourself, because then you can never can betray your heart…The heart and mind have a connection together to make a conscious choice; then you are not blaming anybody.

I do give a very tough class physically. I like people to work with their body more… I don’t challenge people’s ego and fear. Ego and fear they should find inside themselves and recognize that - I call this finding your strength and finding your weakness . I don’t want to bring this to people before they find it for themselves. A person can change when they want to change; a person can find these things when they know they have them – if it is their problem.

Yoga helps you go to the core of sensitivity, open up the consciousness, and waking up that (thought process) ... really to me means self realization.”

Hence I am stepping away from this blog to get myself sorted out mentally, physically & spiritually. It's time to step out of the public arena. Maybe this whole blog was here to boost my ego, 'look at me, read about all the great things I do (or not), make me feel awesome about myself by showering me wonderful comments, fuel my ego, make me feel important.' I'm obviously lacking something in the 'real world' if I'm looking for attention from perfect strangers! Time to get offline & start getting real...

Thank you to those who have followed & read posts. I wish you all health & happiness. 

Namaste.

Teach - Work - Take

The title of this post might be a little cryptic, in short it sums up my day on Tuesday this week. Last week I mentioned in a post about making sure I keep up with my own personal practice. Easy as last week. This week a little more tricky. I scored five classes to teach!! Quite the increase from two or my expected three. I'm itching to teach as much as humanly possible. The only way to learn and grow as a teacher is to teach, teach, teach.  Apologies if I'm repeating myself, I have permanent yoga brain. 

Tuesday was an experiment. Teach the 5:45am class (4:15am alarm!), work all day at design job 8:45am - 5pm, then scoot down Scarborough & practice the 7pm. I've started a new energy boosting food program (whole post dedicated to this at some point) so with my mind programmed it would have enough energy to do a 17 hour day off I went. I survived nine weeks of 17 hour days, one day wouldn't kill me. It was fine. I did have the energy, my practice was strong and I'm seeing breakthroughs and improvements. Cramping was a slight problem, I'm sweating when I teach so I need to hydrate like when doing a double. Hands up it was a long day, I got home at 9:15pm, The Man had cooked me dinner but left the washing up. No big deal, I ended up washing up at 10pm as evening classes leave me a little wired. 

However. This will not be something I'll be doing every week. I was a little frazzled come Wednesday morning and crashed in the evening. Occasionally, once or twice a month at a push if I have to to get my own practice in. I wouldn't do this in reverse order, teaching last. I owe it to my students to be as fresh and alert as I can be. Successful experiment but won't be adopting it into my weekly routine unless absolutely necessary.

Team Perth

What a weekend. Whirlwind non stop excitement again. Next weekend I am definitely slowing down (for at least 10 counts, all the way down!). 

The weekend started with the 6pm Friday night yoga lead by my BYJ training buddy Jas. So good  to see her, after seeing everyday for 9 weeks then not seeing her for two weeks was very strange. I've missed her! Not a great turn out, there were five of us. Jas did great she got the class energy going, cracking jokes and gently pushing us hard through the 90 minutes. Jas is a natural. Beautiful voice, nice & calm but with firm command, very much like the lovely Rajashree. I had a great class. So much so I woke up Saturday morning with a total yoga hangover!!!

I taught my first class at the other studio in Scarborough Beach on Saturday arvo. Different crowd down there, in a good way. I went into commando style for some of it which I wasn't happy about. Already I have learned you can commanding without being a commando. My over excitement gets the better of me at times and that is when I start barking. It showed me how important it is, just like in personal practice, to teach at different studios. I am already very comfortable at my home studio so to have the opportunity to mix it up down at BYSB is great.

There were three of us from Perth at TT, Team Perth! The third gal from the North Perth studio, Kanayko, swung by my 8am Sunday morning class to say hi & practice. Again so good to see her & have her in my class. She hung out on reception & helped out before class. To have such great supportive friends/colleagues makes this job even more fantastic. I stopped for fuel on my way to the studio and the lady asked me if I was working today (probably as it was so early). I very nearly said no, then I remembered I was, but as this teaching job doesn't actually feel like 'work' it felt strange to say 'yes I'm going to work', so I said 'yes I'm teaching yoga this morning.' Looking forward to taking Kana's class and having Jas practice in my class. What a team!!

My mentor also took class so I was able to get some valuable two weeks in feedback. It was funny the things I perceived myself to have stuffed up she hadn't even noticed (fake it till you make it!). My feedback was very constructive. Mainly to help me work on timing. I finished both weekend classes on time but I was aware I'd 'galloped' through some of the standing postures & shaved a few seconds off the savasanas. I'm starting to look at second sides now and extra dialogue, this will help with timing & keep it it interesting. I'm comfortable with the dialogue we learned for training, the meat & potatoes, now I feel it's time to start adding some vegetables & gravy to the plate. I have time on my hands as this isn't expected of us just yet. Some little & often studying over the next few weeks will keep me on top of the game. So much more to learn & I'm so ready to learn more.

Let loose!

After a successful mock class I was let loose on the public for the Tuesday 5:45am class.

I'll back track a bit first. I started back at my full time day job on the Monday. It felt right to be going back, I was a little apprehensive my stand in might have done such a rocking job they might not want me back. Didn't need to worry, quite the opposite happened. My marketing manager greeted me with the words "please, never go away again." I won't go into details but let's say I was welcomed back with open arms and I felt very much appreciated. My desk looked like a bomb site. After a quick tidy up and bin session I was back in business.


Other instructors have said it takes a while to readjust back into the real world. I've been okay. Nothing has felt weird. It's just normal, like I have never been away. Maybe because I was really centered before I left. I knew I was doing the right thing and I knew I had a great place to come back to. Positive thinking at it's best. Doubt grows and feeds more doubt. Positive outlooks become reality if you truly believe in what you are wishing for.

A lot of people go to Training to change their lives and finally get to do a job they love. I didn't want a new career, I have a very nice, successful one thank you, I was after something extra to enrich what I already have. I like to have the best of both world's where possible and now I have it. How irritating am I, I know, two jobs I love. Believe you can have it all and you will. (or just read The Secret and everything will become clear where I'm coming from)

Day two back at work & my 'new work' routine started. I had to get up super early 4:15am to be at the studio at 5:05am to open up & learn the ropes. I had some help that first morning which was great. Nineteen keen students turned up. Three familiar, happy faces were amongst them which was a comfort (thanks Bianca, Shelley F & Bridget!) I had headset problems which threw me a bit but soon I was well under way. I love teaching. Just the simplest change of tone/command and you can see the students move deeper, work harder with your words, get maximum benefits! Such a privilege to be helping people get themselves healthy and fit. What a job!!!

When that job was done and everyone was safely out the door. Time for a quick shower, change and off I went to the day job. I was sat at my desk only 20 minutes after my official start time, very happy I found a car parking space and I'd done my bit for the greater good. 

A fantastic perk that come's with being a teacher means I can use the staff changing room!! No more waiting in line for a shower & I can spread out, no more sharing bench space. I also get to leave my stuff there too. No more hiking my huge wash bag & towels around. I really went to town with that one. Purchasing a shiny purple caddy to keep my shampoo & it's friends in. I will miss the morning chit chat in the student changing rooms but it might mean we all get out the door a bit quicker.

This has been a gentle week of two classes to get me started and then it's into full swing. I'm scheduled on for four classes next week including my first class at BYSB!!

Full Circle

Completing the circle and teaching your first Bikram Yoga Class is the icing on the cake after finishing Training. Saturday 26th November 2011 at 11:30am I closed my circle. This was a mock class set up by my studio director to make sure everything was running smoothly before I was let loose on the public. 

At training you don't get the chance to teach a real class, in real conditions. There are a few 'holes' that also need to be filled by your mentor. I was lucky enough to have a briefing on this before the class so I could make it was authentic as possible. Sadly I can not reveal any 'trade secrets' on this, comes under that copyright/teacher/student rule thing. There are some things students don't need to know ;-) 

The class was just like a real class. There were four instructors and three real life students. It was in the yoga room, with the headset and the heat blasting. It went very well I feel. My timing needs working on, like most new teachers say. This will come with practice, practice, practice! I was so relieved to get through Spine Twist I totally forgot everything that is involved in the final breathing so garbled something then started clapping. I received positive, useful feedback with homework. 

This is only the start. Someone asked me the other day what my next challenge will be, they know me well enough that I always need a project or three to be getting on with. I answered that this one has only just begun. So much more to learn. Just like before training, I sit on the train twice a day dialogue in hand reviewing and learning new things; left side, extra dialogue, benefits. This will keep me busy for a while!

Half Moon Delivery

Tuesday was the first day we started delivering the Half Moon posture to Bikram. I’d noticed on the right side of the stage there was a red cross then three tapped red lines going across the stage. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out what these were for, ie. The cross was where we stand to deliver then move onto the lines to become the demo people. I’m sure I read somewhere on a blog that trainees line up on the right of the stage then go up to deliver.

Being a super keen person that I am I made sure I sat on an isle seat on the right hand side of the stage so I could leap up and get in line asap. As soon as the gates were open I was off. I ended up lining up (well sitting on the black waiting chairs) for nearly two hours till it was my turn.

Two of my new friends Lauren and Tiffany both rocked it. Tiff didn’t even get to finish the dialogue, Boss had heard enough to know she’d be a great teacher. They were both awesome. (& so were all my other new buddies, you know who you gals are!)

My turn came. I was kitted out in my shiny new Lulu tank and a pair of capris. What I considered a professional teaching outfit. I wanted to look and feel like a teacher. Boss chatted a little with me about his up coming trip to Australia in January. I smiled and nodded but didn’t say I wouldn’t be attending ;-)

Off I went. Those who have heard me deliver dialogue know I have my own unique style. I am very animated and pronunciate certain words. This actually had the crowd of 400 people laughing. I was a little scared by this, why are these people laughing at my best drill sergeant technique. Not to worry they were all cheering and clapping before I got to the end. What a feeling. I put 100% passion behind that delivery and it paid off. Boss smiled and said “I’m glad she made you all laugh.” Then said good. Phew. The girl after me stumbled a little and Boss told her it’s okay, it’s hard to follow a performance like hers, ie. me.

It was such a rush to be up there teaching. It felt so good. I am heading in the right direction. I was scared I would come across as OTT or not genuine. A lot of other people were told to cut the drama, stop acting, you’re not doing it for the right reason. Boss has a way of figuring you out in 10 seconds what you’re really like. I’m hoping from my feedback he knew I wasn’t acting and the energy was a true reflection of my character.

I had lots of nice feedback from other students and a few asked me to help them with their dialogue, that was nice. My karma yoga can be helping some of the others who aren’t as far ahead as me. I started yesterday by going through Standing Separate leg stretching with my roomie. We had a rare afternoon off so took advantage of the free time & pool area. I won’t let this first performance go to my head, with the impending sleep depravation, harder classes and stricter rules, dialogue delivery may well be more challenging. Some of the floor postures have already disappeared from memory…

Week One done!

I've been getting a bit slack with writing recently & I have a lot to write about too. It's been all go this week, cramming dialogue in and starting the 60 day challenge. I finished day six today, aka week one, eight more to go. Will this be what TT is like counting down the days/weeks. I'm sure we will be. My official one day off tomorrow!!

The highlight of this week was I got to teach the whole of Utkatasana/Awkward pose to a real live class of 20 students on Wednesday night. I had no idea this would happen which might have been a good thing. Jo was teaching so that is how it was made possible. I'd heard this sometimes happens to trainees but as we passed over the half moon series I thought I was safe. Ah ha, no I was invited up there to do the second set of Awkward. No hesitation I jumped right on up and gave it my best shot.

It was weird having so many people there in front of me and actually looking at me. Hey you should be looking in the mirror! I was nervous, I may well have forgotten to breath myself but I did it. I was aware I was twisting my fingers over each other as I was speaking, nervous habit.  I got them through, in and out, up and down. I did stumble on part two, I could see people shaking, falling out and staring at me with evil looks. Those who aren't familiar with part 2, it's a killer, your balancing on your toes like a ballerina, whilst sitting on a chair which isn't there. I personally struggle with this too, it kills my knees and thighs but it will make me stronger and hopefully develop killer abs and shapely legs. 

Awkward pose part 2

I wasn't as flowing in my delivery as I was in practice which I did get down on myself for. It's hard when you know you know it and have practiced it verbatim but then fluff it up when it's time to perform. Jo told me I did great and even got some nice feedback from the students. One asked if I'd had military training as I sounded like a Sergeant Major! I may  be developing a reputation for being a hard ass already.


It was such a rush though to be up there and doing dialogue to real students. Very exciting. When I got back down to carry on practicing I was smiling a lot which was followed by total jelly legs in Standing Head to Knee. 

A good week all round. I even made it to two evening classes which were steamy and drippy. Friday night's class was hot, hot, hot just what I needed but I was too near the cold air vent & I kept getting blasted. I know we all love a bit of cool air but I am really trying hard to get away from being attached to this luxury as there won't be any air con in LA. It will be hotter, humid, sticky, probably stinky mat melting heat.